


Envy the Headlights

by watchcatewrite



Series: Pretty Sounds [14]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - No Band, Clique Secret Santa 2019, F/F, First Kiss, Heart-to-Heart, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 17:15:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21941947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watchcatewrite/pseuds/watchcatewrite
Summary: Already Tyler knows that Jos is not the kind of person you get over quickly. She’s the kind of person you lose sleep over, wondering how you ever let her get away. And she loses too much sleep already.
Relationships: Josh Dun/Tyler Joseph
Series: Pretty Sounds [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1658485
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	Envy the Headlights

**Author's Note:**

> For my secret santa, Serena, inspired by one of her favorite songs. Merry Christmas, love!

“Truth or dare?”

Jos’ face is awash in pink and teal, the only light in the darkened car from the bright neon outside their windows. The restaurant has long since closed, but the drive thru stays open dutifully until 1:00 am. They sit in the parking lot, their legs both crossed in their seats, facing each other. The steering wheel digs into Tyler’s side but it’s a dull ache, easily forgettable seated across from her new best friend. 

“Truth.” Tyler’s mouth is full of crunchy taco, a bit of masticated shell landing on the emergency break between them. Jos makes a face and laughs. 

“Say it, don’t spray it.”

Tyler covers her mouth, a soft blush darkening her cheeks, Jos’ laughter ringing out again. “Sorry.”

“Okay, what’s one thing you’re afraid of?” Tyler opens her mouth to answer immediately, and Jos raises a hand. “Something real, not like, spiders or something.”

Tyler’s mouth falls closed, her easy and superficial answer lost. (It had been bees, bees was the answer.) She thinks for a minute, chewing softly, and Jos takes a bite of her burrito, watching her. They’ve only been hanging out for a month, on and off, and Tyler still hasn’t decided how much she wants to tell Jos. How far back she wants to pull the curtain, how far she wants to invite Jos in. 

There’s a part of her that wants to tell her everything. She’s never met someone so easy to talk to, never felt so comfortable so quickly. But part of her is scared, scared she’ll say the wrong thing and frighten her away. Scared she’ll lose her. Already Tyler knows that Jos is not the kind of person you get over quickly. She’s the kind of person you lose sleep over, wondering how you ever let her get away. 

And she loses too much sleep already. 

“Death. I know that’s cliché, but it’s true. For someone who’s thought about it as much as I have, it’s still terrifying. The finality of it, the fact that one day you’re here and the next you’re just not. I dunno dude, it’s just— yeah.” She takes a sip of her soda, glancing up to meet Jos’ eyes. The other girl is staring at her, her face blank. 

“Wow. Dark.” Her mouth starts to quirk up in a smile and Tyler throws her taco wrapper at her. 

“You asked!” 

The other girl laughs, depositing the wrapper in the empty bag between them before looking up at her. “I did. Thanks for being honest.”

Tyler feels her cheeks darken in a blush again, and she’s not quite sure why. “Okay, your turn. Truth or dare?”

“Truth.” The answer is quick, certain. 

“Why are we even playing truth or dare? Neither of us ever pick dare.” Tyler laughs. 

Jos shrugs, smiling widely, and Tyler can’t help mirroring her. “I like talking. And finding out stuff about you.”

“Maybe we should just play truth then.”

“Okay.” 

Tyler laughs. “Alright, truth or truth?”

Jos pretends to consider it, her hand on her chin as she tips her head toward the ceiling. When she glances back down at Tyler there’s a smile on her face again, neon pink in the darkness. “Truth.”

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

It’s one of those questions that feels silly, both of them in college, legally able to drink and face consequences for their own stupid decisions. They already  _ are _ grown up, but neither of them would ever admit it. Tyler knows she already crossed that line, that childhood is out of reach now, a memory instead of a reality. She always used to groan when her mother told her not to grow up so fast, to enjoy being a kid. But now she wished she had listened. 

Jos’ face splits in a shy grin, glancing down at her hands before meeting Tyler’s eyes again. Tyler knows she’s being told a secret, something sacred and rare. She can’t help leaning forward in her seat, the space between them growing smaller. Despite the fall rain outside their windows the inside of the car is warm, even stuffy, the same air breathed over and over again. Tyler tries not to think about how the air in her lungs was once in Jos’. 

“I wanna be a drummer. In a band, touring the country, playing music I love. I wanna get up every morning excited to sit at my kit, to play my hardest and give my all, to inspire someone and show them they can. I wanna love what I do.”

Tyler lets quiet fall over the car, watching Jos as she tucks a dark curl behind her ear, a slight blush on her cheeks. She’s never told someone that, never let her voice grow excited, let her heart beat wildly in her chest. Like Tyler she’s played it safe, studied what you “should,” planned for a future someone told her was coming. Tyler sees her own wild dreaming in Jos’ eyes, the desire to open the door and just start running, until you get to wherever you’re supposed to be. 

Their eyes meet, and Jos smiles at her shyly. She glances away again, surprised at her own bravery, and takes a sip of her soda. Tyler leans away, doing the same as her back settles against the cool window. They both sit in silence as the rain falls on the windshield, covering them, hiding them. Tyler considers her words carefully, knows that what she says next is important. 

“I want that too.” She starts, gesturing with her soda. “Not the drumming part—I prefer the piano—but I wanna play music. I wanna wake up every morning and love what I do. It’s weird that that’s not the goal for everyone.”

“Yeah.” Jos’ reply is a breath, hardly audible even in the silent car. 

They sit quietly for a few more minutes, both of them sipping at their sodas, neither sure where to go next. After a bit Jos finally smiles, setting her cup back into the cup holder, and Tyler feels the moment around them break. It’s just the two of them again, in a Taco Bell parking lot at midnight, surrounded by the cold October night. But it feels different this time, and Tyler knows something has changed. 

“Okay, truth or truth?”

Tyler smiles broadly, chuckling. “Truth.”

“What do you want for your birthday?”

* * *

“Remind me why we had to do this outside?” Tyler’s starting to lose feeling in her fingers. Her nose is already a lost cause. 

“Cause if my mom finds out I smoke weed I’ll be out on the street. Is that what you want for me this Christmas, Tyler? Is it?” Jos’ voice inches higher on the last few words and Tyler elbows her, laughing, as she reaches for the joint between Jos’ fingers. 

“No Joselyn, I do not want you out on the street.” Her face is serious before she takes a drag off the joint, looking at her pointedly, and Jos laughs at her as a coughing fit hits immediately after. 

Jos takes back the joint as Tyler struggles to take a deep breath, finally grabbing a handful of fresh snow and shoving it in her mouth. Jos grimaces but Tyler only shrugs, and the two devolve into laughter. Jos flaps a hand at her, shushing her, and the two slowly quiet down. She takes another long drag, letting it burn her throat a bit and enjoying the heat. She stifles her own bit of coughing, passing the joint back to Tyler’s waiting fingers. 

Things are starting to get soft around the edges, and Jos can feel her mind getting floaty. There’s probably a better way to describe that, but it’s all she can come up with at the current moment. She tips her head back, opening her mouth and letting snowflakes land on her tongue. It’s cold and biting, and it makes her smile. When her head dips down again Tyler is watching her, a small smile on her face. 

“Only you could get me out on a roof in the middle of the snow.” The tip of the joint burns bright red in the growing darkness and Jos watches it bounce like a lighting bug. 

“Oh come on, it’s so pretty out here.” Jos glances around the quiet neighborhood, barren trees and blinking Christmas lights the only thing for blocks. 

Tyler follows her, looking out over Jos’ roof and at the houses down below. Each one is blanketed in snow, softening the eves and giving everything a similar shape. It’s hard to tell where one house ends and another begins, everything melting into one large swath of white and colored lights. It’s mesmerizing. Tyler suddenly realizes she’s already very high. 

She hands the joint back to Jos, who takes it happily. Tyler watches her take a long inhale, noting the pink in her cheeks, the freckles over her nose. They almost dance in the low light, shifting over her face. Tyler doesn’t realize she’s staring, unable to look away. Jos blows her smoke up above her head, and Tyler’s eyes lift to watch it float away on the wind. She loses it amongst the clouds. 

“Truth or truth?”

Tyler glances back down, Jos’ question pulling her back to reality. It takes her a moment to answer. “Truth.”

“Have you ever kissed someone?”

Tyler’s mouth goes very dry, and she stares at Jos blankly. Her answer is more impulse than thought. “Uh huh.”

Jos laughs at her, taking another pull off the joint. “Who?”

“This guy named Miles. We were five. His lips were really chapped.”

Jos laughs again, and Tyler’s face cracks in a smile, realizing she must have said something funny. The joint glows in the darkness again, as Jos takes another deep inhale. She must be as high as Tyler. She must be. Tyler knows she’s new to this, that Jos has been doing this longer but still. She watches Jos’ cheeks pink up in a blush. Or is it the cold? She’s so cold. 

“Have you ever kissed a girl?”

Tyler’s first thought is that it’s too many questions; it’s her turn to ask, not Jos’. She stares at the glowing tip in the dark, it’s safer than looking into Jos’ eyes, not knowing what she’ll see. Tyler swallows, her mouth dry again, and reaches for another handful of snow. Jos doesn’t notice this time, she’s staring out over the edge of the roof, and Tyler wonders if she’s waiting for her answer. 

“No.” The word gets caught up in the wind, blown out over the roof and settles onto the ground like snow. 

“Do you want to?” Jos’ question is quiet, her lips wrapped tightly around the end of the joint. Tyler wonders if they would be chapped like Miles’. 

“Yes.” Tyler’s eyes are on Jos’ face, afraid to look away. Did Jos just ask if she wants to kiss her? Tyler can’t remember. 

Jos finally turns to look at Tyler, her eyes impossibly dark. Her face keeps turning different colors—green, red, blue—as the Christmas lights blink around them. The joint glows red again, a pinprick of light in the darkness. Jos leans forward, bringing her hand up to Tyler’s cheek and Tyler freezes. Tyler sucks in a breath involuntarily, waiting for the press of Jos’ lips against hers, but instead Jos exhales softly, blowing the smoke into Tyler’s slightly open lips. 

She leans back slowly, and Tyler exhales, their mingled breaths filling the air above their heads. Jos watches her, unmoving, and Tyler struggles to make her body do what she wants. She leans forward slowly, her hand rising hesitantly to Jos’ cheek. The other girl is still, waiting, and Tyler rests her cold hand against Jos’ warm skin. Her fingers tingle at the change in temperature. Or maybe that’s just because it’s  _ Jos _ . 

Their heads move closer together, like magnets, unable to resist. There’s snowflakes on Jos’ eyelashes, Tyler realizes, just before both of their eyes slip closed. Tyler’s nose bumps Jos’ softly, and they both turn, like it’s the most natural thing in the world, fitting back together perfectly. Tyler’s lips press against Jos’, cold instantly warmed between them. She’s soft, so much more impossibly soft than Miles. 

Tyler feels warmth flowing through her body, from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. Everything that was cold tingles, and Tyler’s fingers tighten against Jos’ cheek. They both inhale sharply, neither breaking apart, and Tyler feels a tightness in her chest as Jos takes a fistful of her parka. It’s soft, and electric, and warm, and Tyler’s never felt anything like it. 

They finally break apart, eyes meeting in the darkness, and Tyler feels weightless. Like the wind could pick her up like the snow, sending her out over the night. 

* * *

Her room looks somehow smaller when it’s empty. Tyler’s voice practically echoes between the white walls, devoid of the pictures and posters that had covered them for years. She hears a sniffle behind her and turns to find her mom standing in the doorway. Kelly’s doing a halfway decent job of holding it together, but Tyler knows her too well to really buy it. Her eyes are red and swollen, her lips tight, and Tyler feels her heart drop into her stomach. 

“Mom.” The older woman shakes her head lightly, and Tyler moves to wrap her arms around her. 

She’s taller than her now, her mother’s face resting perfectly at shoulder height. Kelly presses three kisses into her closest cheek, one right after another.  _ For good luck _ , she’d told Tyler once. Tyler’s stomach clenches painfully and that voice pipes up in the back of her head. Maybe she’s doing the wrong thing. Maybe she’s not being brave. Maybe she’s just being stupid. 

It’s like the older woman knows, like she can hear the thoughts running through Tyler’s head, and her whispered words give her goosebumps. “I’m so proud of you, honey. You’re a stronger person than I’ve ever been.”

Tyler pulls her closer, willing herself not to cry. There’s a part of her that knows if she starts crying she’ll never leave. She’ll find a reason to stay, a reason to keep playing it safe, to keep hiding. Her mom doesn’t want that for her.  _ Tyler _ doesn’t want that for her. So she bites her lip, and holds on to her mom, and tries not to think about how this is the scariest thing she’s ever done. 

“Ty? Jos is here.” Chris’ voice stirs them both to action, and they separate slowly. 

Kelly rests her hand on Tyler’s cheek briefly, Tyler smiling shyly, and then it’s over. They both take a deep breath, turning and leaving Tyler’s room behind. They find Chris and Jos by the door, and Tyler can’t help smiling broadly at the other girl. It’s still weird to see Jos standing in the foyer of her childhood home, to remedy her future standing in the middle of her past. Jos’ hair is cotton candy pink, a sign of spring blooming that Tyler didn’t even know she was missing. 

Jos’ smile could light up the whole house. “Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.” 

Chris’ voice is gruff as he tells them to drive safely, and Tyler knows he’s holding back his own tears. She squeezes him extra tight, and earns a small laugh in return. His hand is warm on her back, steady, and Tyler tries to remember the feeling. Kelly’s hug is more brief, their moment back in Tyler bedroom, but Tyler gives her one last kiss on the cheek. For good luck. 

Her parents stand in the driveway as they back out, arms around each other, Kelly’s face tight with unshed tears. Tyler tries not to think about how long it’ll be until she sees them again, how it’s the longest she’s ever been outside of Columbus. It feels too heavy, too overwhelming, so she focuses on the little things: Jos’ warm body so close to hers, the excitement coiled in the pit of her stomach, how it’s a perfect spring day, sun and clouds splitting the perfect blue sky. It makes it easier to take a deep breath. 

Tyler watches them grow smaller in the rear view window, watches them waving even until they turn the corner and they’re gone. She can see Jos turn to look at her out of the corner of her eye, her face calm, collected. She believes in them so much. Believes in what they’re doing, that making their dreams come true isn’t crazy. That someone, somewhere out there, is waiting to hear their music. Tyler wants to believe as strongly as she does. 

Jos reaches across the seat between them in the small pick up, taking Tyler’s hand in hers. Her hands are warm, calloused and healing from the repeated abuse at her drums, the months they’ve prepared for this moment. She gives Tyler’s fingers a soft squeeze, and Tyler finally meets her eyes. They smile at each other, at the realization that they’re really doing it, they’re living their dream, together. 

“I’m glad I met you.” Jos whispers, her voice thick. 

Tyler pulls her hand to her lips, kissing bruised knuckles. “Me too.”

Jos turns back to the road and Tyler pulls their hands back into her lap. She leans slowly, her head coming to rest on Jos’ warm shoulder, solid beneath her. They look out over the road, leaving their old life behind, driving into the unknown. It feels like an ending, but it feels like a beginning too, something beautiful and new. 

Tyler sighs, content, as her old life dies, and her new one is born. 


End file.
